It helps to write things down I was told. It helps to talk. Well, as someone who's nature is to forever see the world through, possibly naive & endlessly optimistic, rose tinted spectacles this reflection and communication from the heart is not at all easy. As I was writing this a message came through from the owner of a superb training club (I don't think he'd like me to use the word gym?) in Wigan: RM Fitness, and as I was typing my reply it dawned on me that this would make for a good first post...
In reply to RM...
yesterday I had a phone call telling me I need to see the haematologist and consultant tomorrow... to discuss the excisional and incisional biopsy results... and the treatment protocols! At the James Cook University Hospital, Middlesbrough!
This came at almost the same instant that I had got a 10 week fitness/nutrition/life plan together and was well on my way to balancing my teaching, ahem, 'career' with the time needed to care for my Mum (and her cat) and prepare for a new school in August/September. All is on hold now.
Frustration is the word!
It's like a boxing match: you get on your toes, dance and jab, throw the occasional right hook at life's idiots and then - BAM - something as simple as a phone call has you on your back before you know what happened. Well, the only thing to do is clamber to your feet, start dancing and fighting back. Not much sleep last night and very little in the way of productive work. [however] a much better start to today - sometimes you need a 12 hour 'count of 10' I guess? I've decided to blog this latest adventure - wherever it may lead. I've also set myself concrete - I have already registered - post-treatment recovery goals. [This is something I need] I've entered the 4 day London to Paris 2016 'Le Tour' cycling challenge (I'll be nagging YOU ALL to join me soon) along with Ride London (101 mile, closed road next may.) Both will involve fundraising for the Lymphoma Association. I think a concrete, achievable & hugely enjoyable target is the only way for me to go... it will give me physical focus and allow me to maintain optimism through the worst of the treatment. I just hope the cure isn't as bad as the condition!
I can only speak for myself but this WAITING during the diagnostic phase is interminable and, if allowed, overwhelming... I have certainly not handled some days very well at all: from deep emotional lows to almost euphoric highs - such inconsistency of mood cannot have been at all easy for those around!
So my journey so far:- from initial GP referral -to- Ultrasound scan (5 weeks) -to- CT scan (3 weeks) -to- urgent call for excision (shoulder node) & incision (groin node) biopsy surgery (5 days), to the APPALLING water-torture-wait for results has returned me to the phone call above.
The surgeon suggested I prepare myself for probable radiotherapy &/or chemotherapy - a reluctant opinion dragged out of him very much at my request, as I need as much information as possible to stay as close sanity as I can - friends may offer a different opinion on this sanity clause :-)
Tomorrow, I will know.
PS... please leave a comment with your thoughts, ideas, suggestions and advice. At this stage anything will be a strong candidate for 'helpful'.